how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
