I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
