I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
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