Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
