The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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