my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
