you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
There was a lot of him and a little penis
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
