So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
