I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
