Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
