His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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