So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
