The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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