There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
