Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
