I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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