I think my fart just growled at me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
