I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
