You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize