I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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