The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
