No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
