Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
and she was petting her beer can
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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