on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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