that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
