I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
