We're like a lot better than the average bears
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
