he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
