sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She's the barista slut.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
