put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
