is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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