You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
