i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize