Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
