so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
