she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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