Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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