kristin has been a bad kristin
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
