apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
