Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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