The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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