I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
