Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
