Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
