literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
