If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
