I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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