After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
