I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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