like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
