There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
