I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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