There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
