I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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