Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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