I want to have your abortion
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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