Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
