I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
