Porn is love you can see.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
