i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
