Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
