if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
