seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
