when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
